Confessions of Bridget Shine~

[Deleted]

Hey there,

Things… haven weird to say the least. I feel like I can’t function properly anymore. It feels so wrong, so empty, without him. Stupid right? I fell head over heels for the playboy who got himself shot and now… I can barely breathe when I think about him. His smile, the way the sun used to bounce of his hair, the shy blushes crossing his cheeks, or the way his eyes used to crinkle when he really smiled… I miss that smile. It feels so pointless right now. I haven’t even attempted with life lately. Class, forget it. Socializing with Hayden? Hardly. I find leaving my room to be a struggle sometimes…

Wait. That’s a lie. I did go out a few days ago. Started wandering around the courtyard, trying to clear my head. I saw a girl there, Alex. A prefect oddly enough, I have a way of attracting those don’t I? Anyway, I like her so far again weird. She’s fun and sarcastic, someone I can joke with, plus I’m pretty sure we have a few things back home that we can relate from. I kicked her awake and we started chatting. Well, bantering I guess. It wasn’t long before another friend showed up out of the blue. Cali. She’s been dealing with things on her own and basically running the BF from the shadows I think. We had a nice little chat and set up an odd deal, or at least put it into the works.

That’s been it so far… I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. Like writing in you. Not that it’s really working…

Till next time Bridget Shine~

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So… I’ve had pretty bad nightmares before. Quite a few since I’ve been here. Being kidnapped and watching students being slaughtered tends to do that to you. But those were just once in a while, like every nightmare, I could handle them. They’ve been getting worse. IT’s like every time I close my eyes I see it again. Not just the kidnappings anymore. I see things from before; fights with my dad, the gang dying, the feeling of just being so empty and alone… That’s not the worst of it. The worst is seeing him die. Again and again and again.

Basically, I’ve tried to stop sleeping. I can’t see that anymore. I wake up screaming and crying and it’s horrible. It’s been going pretty well with short cat naps once in a while, getting a few minutes of rest before they start. Back to the point of me writing this at 4:30 in the morning. I was wandering the halls, partly due to avoiding sleeping and partly due to this bimbo next door blaring shitty Bieber – I don’t even want to call it music. That’s disgracing the word. Gah it makes me want to gag every time one of his stupid fangirls start drooling over him. How could anyone love that shitty piece of trash that defiles music. Can’t you tell that I just love him to death?

So, for once I run into a prefect and don’t try to screw with their heads. It happened to be Alex after all. We struck up a casual conversation in our night owl hours. For once, a prefect decided to do their job and help me out. Shocking, I know. We headed over to the girl’s room and basically scared her shitless. The look on her face was pure gold, apparently Alex and I are rather intimidating as a team. Who knew? Alex took the CD and gave her a warning that the bimbo will be sure to follow. Bit later on she gave me her IPod (girl’s got money apparently), claiming it was her spare. I’m grateful but still wish I could pay her back, ya know? Her music is pretty much keeping me sane right now.

Rather productive night. Sarcastic banter, scaring a Belieber or whatever the fuck they’re called, and getting some music. Guess not sleeping has its advantages after all.

Till next time Bridget Shine~

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Well, today had an interesting twist. I was getting out and messing with some prefects, trying to have this thing called fun which has seemingly escaped my gasp. But as fate would have it I crept up on the wrong prefect and he didn’t seem to please with my teasing. He completely took it the wrong way, I wasn’t even aware that was possible or anything. Anyway, the jerk chased me around the halls for a while before running to the forest. (Horror movie in the making right? That’s Ashford for you) Bad idea when you’re still suffering from a weak heart you know. Which by the way, may be permanent thanks to Seth and his wonderful sword going through my chest.

Back to the story at hand I found safety in a tree of all places, lucky me a companion was waiting for me. At least if I was running/hiding/sortakinda I didn’t have to be alone. It was this cat with the coolest and most unique eyes I’ve ever seen. The left with this moonlight silver and the other was a deep red almost mixing with violet. Can anyone say epic? Our playful banter wasn’t meant to last as the prefect eventually caught up to us. Freakin water manip too, he soaked me and got Menma (The kitty kat with wicked eyes) a little wet too. Kitty didn’t take that too kindly and completely destroyed him. Tossed a tree at him. Yeah, that was kinda cool too.

After the guy went crawling away with his head hanging low and pride shattered. Kitkat (hmm… kidna like that one. Guess what your new nickname is Menma?) and I had a pretty fun talk. It was fantastic being able to joke around with someone again. To be able to laugh… it hadn’t happened in so long. I really hope to see him again, soon too. It was just different with him, more relaxed and fun. I dunno. Interesting like I said.


Till next time Bridget Shine~

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I thought things were getting better, with Kitkat and everything… I thought I was getting better to be honest. Healing from all the loss. The gang, the loss of the relationship I had with my dad, Zane, and Chandler… I was wrong. Oh so wrong. I had a nightmare, expect it wasn’t one. It was so real it was scary. It started out seeing all their deaths, everyone’s. Even some that I don’t know if they really happened or not. It ended with this red head, I felt so torn when I saw her die… I felt like my world was falling apart. And I couldn’t handle it.

I woke up and just started running. If I ran fast enough maybe I could out from the pain. I don’t know how but I ran into the forest and somehow ended up at the waterfall. That place is so close to my heart, I hate thinking about people being there. It just means so much, you know? When I looked into the water I saw past the scratched up arms and my rat’s nest that was called hair. I saw my fear, my loneness, and so, so much emptiness.

I’m so tired of it all, I can’t even put it into words. I feel drained and empty, like I don’t have the ability to feel anymore. Any time I try to feel, I try to laugh it’s like a fleeting moment. The second I stop its back to the void. Everything’s only a momentary distraction with a soul sucking black hole underneath. And I have no idea how to stop it or if I can. I just want it to stop. I still do… I thought about killing myself. God, I’m so ashamed of writing it. It’s true though, a horrible truth.

Thankful, I didn’t or was interrupted before I could. This girl showed up. She talked to me for a while, snapping me out of it I guess. When I saw her in a better light she actually was the redhead from my dreams. Weird right? Weirder yet she kinda looks like me. This school is just weird. We walked back to the dorms together and parted when I went to clean up my arms. I kinda tore them up with my nails while flipping out from my nightmare, partly in my sleep and partly when I was awake I think.

Went back to the dorm and who do I find? The girl. Turns out I should probably look at the papers the school sends me. I got a roommate, yay. We couldn’t have a pleasant, friendly meeting. Nah we met on life and death, depressing terms because that’s the way to introduce yourself. Pff, forget the friendly smiles, let’s go for tear stained cheeks.

Well… welcome to the crazy, Hayden. 

Till next time Bridget Shine~

[Deleted]

Hey there, 

So, you know the oh so few times I actually do work? Well, I was doing work the other day and what do I notice? Just the world going black after Cali darted away towards the beach. Fantastic right? Of course I ran out the door and after her. Something was up after all. Outside the school was not what I expected at all, it seems the gov’t thought it was time to end the Ashford project. It was absolutely horrible. There were soldiers everywhere, shots being fired and rooms being trashed. The bodies started piling up…

I didn’t focus on that in the moment. I just rushed after Cali and I found her… she was going out of her mind. Worst of it? I watched the one person I looked up to trying to kill my little sister. I was so torn. I had to help Hayden and the island but how could I go after my friend? Even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have. She’s stronger than me normally, let alone the fact she was power crazy and engulfing the island in darkness. Yeah. No.

Hayden held her off while I went back for help. I made her promise not to die or I’d follow her into the next life and kill her again. The thing is I probably would have… with the loss of so many people I don’t know if I could have done it without my sister. Any way… Running back to our dorm I grabbed a prefect badge so I could get close to the Queen Bee without getting shot, couldn’t exhaust myself with my cloaking just yet. On my way over to her I was confronted by a soldier. Guess dad’s training paid off in the long run. I had him disarmed in a matter of seconds and took his gun. I think I shot six people? Maybe killing four? I don’t know, though the gun is taped under my bed at the moment. I need to hide that somewhere better… Back to the story.

I basically told the BF members to work to protect anyone and everyone, including the prefect brats. Grabbing Mer I gave her the lay down and well, what else could she do but follow me? We went back and had a little showdown I guess. The world was falling apart around me and another crazy factor was added. Chandler appeared. I know, I know, he supposed to be dead but he’s not and I’m not crazy. Well maybe a little. But he really came back from the dead. I had thought that maybe things were starting to look up but I couldn’t be that happy.

The Queen of Darkness started attacking me just after, thankfully Kitkat showed up (why not add to the insanity?) and protected me. It was kinda funny to see Chan stand there not being my hero for once, he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Then Cali tried to kill Chan by dropping a massive crystal on him, should have pierced right through his back but instead Hayden knocked him out of the way. It hit her and we’re lucky she didn’t die. She was able to pull through but she’s in the infirmary and will be for quite a while I here. That moment though… seeing her blood… it made me snap.

The same thing that happened at Chan’s death happened again. I felt this uncontrollable rage take over and this burst of power start roaring through me. I let it take over, even if I shouldn’t have. Telekinetic… heh, it was enough to start waving Cali around like a rag doll. Slammed her into the ground quite a few times and eventually some of the yelling got through so I stopped. I was exhausted and everything after is almost hazy but I do remember very clearly that the miasma took complete control. Chan stepped, er Khaul, and he stabbed Cali through the back before breaking up with me. He had wonderful timing as always as I swayed from side to side barely standing.

After he walked away I’m not sure what happened really, my vision started blurring to much. Whatever he did killed the miasma and saved Cali. She’s been depressed and hold up in the tower, as normal, ever since. It feels like the world is just crumbling. I feel so alone and broken, here in my room without anyone around. Ash is going insane trying to make me feel better, he tried talking to Cali, and he’s trying to deal with chandler too. I feel for him but at the same time, I feel so numb to the world. I just wish all this pain would stop, all the suffering, and all the bitter feelings swelling my chest would die. I dunno… maybe I should go hang out with Kitkat or something. He always makes me smile and I could definitely use one after this fucking ordeal.

Till Next time, Bridget Shine

[Deleted]

Hey there,

Long time no write. I guess recouping, dealing with classes and avoiding your ex like he's the plague isn't much to report. What should be reported is the fact a very important day occurred yesterday! It was Cali's birthday!! I know, I know, how do you even celebrate such a momentous day? Well, obviously with presents and cake and pillow wars!

Let's back up a bit. I surprised Cali with a cake; red, black, and frosting roses. Appropriate, right? Then a few presents like dancing shoes, a rose ring, and a charm bracelet. of course, there was always something i can't predict in situations like that. Mr. Chandler Fernandez. He showed up and i can't say I"m too surprised. He and Cali are both pretty close (as far as close gets for Cali anyway) and have been here on the island for a long time together. I only wish that awkward tension between us would vanish when needed. I guess I"m just hurt and don't want to get hurt again, it makes talking to Blondie pretty hard. Oh, by the way, he changed his appearance. Brown hair and sea green eyes, pretty hot but I think I'll always miss my blondie friend with sapphire eyes.

Let's stop here with the Chandler shit.

Black to Cali. he got her an anime series she loves and a picture of them with Rolo. Her face was so sad yet hppy when she unwrapped it. I feel so bad for her, out of everyone in this school, she really does deserve a happy ending. After presents we tossed around a few pillows, joking and lightening up the mood. Successfully, might I add. We settled down for some cake before having the greatest pillow war to hit Ashford in all it's time. Over all it was so much fun and i think it really opened Cali up. I haven't seen her like that in forever, laughing, smiling, and just happy. Maybe, just maybe, this will start to bring her back to us. I hope so. I really miss seeing Cali smile and laugh like that. 
   

Sorry 'bout the pillows Cali~

Till next time, Bridget Shine~