What if My Words are Meaningless? What if...

[Veronica Knox]

Veronica Jane Knox

   past,               present,               future 

My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast

Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past

Keep OUT if you know what's good for you. 

[Veronica Knox]

I try to capture every moment as it comes to me



Dear Dairy, 
     
     You were given to me today by the head of the orphanage for my 10th birthday. She said that it had been in the car and addressed to me. It was going to be a birthday present to me from Daddy…. Ya know… before the crash. I can’t believe they actually managed to get something out of that car. Everything wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Everything was so tangled and bloody… I wish we had never gone out for my stupid birthday. I wish Daddy could have been the one to give it to me. I wish… I wish I was dead with them and not here without them. Then again… sometimes I wish I had never been born at all.
      That’s the only bad thing about being here. Knowing I’m living a life when I stole theirs all because I wanted to go out to dinner for my birthday instead of eating at home. I constantly thing of that, it’s always on my mind. I hear the other kids ask why I’m so quiet and it’s just because I don’t want to ruin their lives like I did Vicky and Daddy’s.

Im sorry, I’m probably not making sense. I just cant
right now. I can’t be reminded of them..

~V

Dear Diary,  

     Sorry about that first entry. The memories just kinda got to me. They do that a lot. Sometimes it gets me really down but I’ve been learning to distract myself with other things. Like reading or running. I like running a lot, it clears my mind. It’s kinda just like me and the ground. The head lady, I always forget her name, lets me run around the block for a little while. She said as long as I check back into her I can keep up with it.  

      Anyway… it’s been like a month since I’ve picked you up. I am an official ten year old and still not that great with making friends. There’s this one kid Rex that always teases me and stuff. Whenever I try to join the games with the guys he wont let me because I’m small and I’m a girl. He’s stupid. Maybe I should just try to branch out with some other kids. I dunno. I’ll give you an update later I guess, whenever something interesting happens.  

~V 

Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company