I'm the new cancer. Never looked better [Mer]

[Meredith]

december 2 2009

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FIRST DAY

ON A

BRAND NEW PLANET

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dear journal ,

Home. It's a word that I've never quite grasped. Reese and I never had the warm hearth, the loving parents, the brightly lit Christmas tree. Instead, we were shuffled from house to house, never thought of as more than a meal ticket in each one. At least we have each other. I thank God for that every day. My sister is my best friend, my other half. I don't know what I would do without her.

She says that everything will be different now. Ashford Academy will be our home. We'll have our own rooms with warm beds, and more importantly, we'll be legends. I can't fathom myself being a legend, and to be honest, I'm a little unsure of this place. The walls look a little bit more like those of a prison than those of a home. I trust Reese, though. She's always right. She has to be right now. We'll be happy here.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

january 2 2012

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HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

AND MY HEART

IS WHERE YOU ARE ♥

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dear journal ,

One month. I've had one whole month to adjust, and I'm still not so sure that this is the home for which my sister and I have longed. Truth be told, I still couldn't say what home is, exactly, but my heart tells me that it's not this. One month, and the place still feels... cold and a little bit frightening. I think I'll have to suck it up and learn to love it, though, especially since Reese is doing so well.

She's so happy here; I can't help but smile, watching her flourish under the guidance of the professors and trainers. Ashford Academy is exactly what she needed. She was always the stronger one, but we truly had no idea what she was capable of until we came here. The cultivation that the academy has offered has helped her come closer and closer to her full potential, and let me tell you, my twin is amazing. I bet that Reese could move mountains.

It's a new year. I suppose my New Year's Resolution will be to let go of my reservations and start to see Ashford Academy as... home.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

march 17 2010

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NEVER MIND THAT MY TASTES

REFLECT

A DISTURBING OEDIPAL COMPLEX

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dear journal,

It still amazes me sometimes that my sister and I are twins. It seems like the only trait we share is our birthday. Reese is so strong. Her powers amaze everyone more and more every day. She is beautiful. The boys can't keep their eyes off of her. People love her, and she loves people. And me? I'm scared of crowds.

She never leaves me behind, though. She always lets me tag along and sit beside her when she's with friends. In fact, she insists on it. I guess that's why I haven't made my own friends, but I don't mind. I like being around Reese, even if it's hard being around her friends.

There's one person in her group that I've grown to like, though. His name is Seth Rosa, and he isn't like the others. I like to think that he's more like me, but that's probably silly. Anyway, he's very intelligent, and he isn't so talkative like the others, even though people flock to him just like they do to Reese. He's kind, too. When I'm with Reese's group and he's there, he always makes the effort to include me. You would think that my sister would have that covered. It's definitely not her fault, though. She can't really help that her fans are always surrounding her, and I don't mind talking to Seth.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

May 7 2010





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I WISH YOU KNEW WHEN I SAID
TWO SUGARS
ACTUALLY, I MEANT THREE.

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dear journal ,

I've been talking to Seth a little bit, outside of group hang-outs with Reese. It's quite incredible how effortlessly intelligent he is. Concepts in chemistry that I have to pour over textbooks, just to begin to grasp... he understands them immediately. This is a bit irrelevant, but it's kind of adorable how his nose is practically inside the binding of the book when he's reading.



Anyway, he's been helping me study for chemistry, and it scares me a little how much I value those brief minutes when we're deep in a conversation about some scientific concept. Is that silly? His passion for science is invigorating, too. He loves science the way I love literature, and that's saying a lot. It makes me want to dig up some books about quantum mechanics simply so that I can have a longer conversation with him.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

June 21 2010

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ELOISE, ELOISE

YOU

NEVER MEANT THAT MUCH TO ME.

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dear journal ,

Seth sent me a text message today. You'd never believe how excited I got when I saw that it was a message from him. Guess what it said? He wanted to know about my sister. Disappointing but understandable.

It's only been about six and a half months, and Reese is now going through the process of becoming a prefect. She's almost there. That's why Seth texted me. He wants to make sure she chooses his team.

I guess I'm not surprised. Seth keeps his capabilities fairly close to his chest, but I've heard people say that he bends nature to his will. Reese is an earth manipulator, so Reese and Seth are a match made in Heaven. I can see them side-by-side in battle, not even batting an eyelash as they work together, both manipulating the elements around them like gods. It would be an amazing sight.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

August 14 2010

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AND I GUESS THAT SHE'S ALL RIGHT

IF PERFECTION

IS WHAT YOU LIKE.

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dear journal ,

I think Seth and Reese are going to be together soon. When we all spend time together, I see the way that he looks at her, and I can't imagine why she would refuse him. He's caring, selfless, strong, intelligent, amazing. And they're good friends. I should just admit to myself that I might have made up a love story between me and Seth in my head. I guess it wasn't meant to be. I should be happy for Seth and Reese.

Reese, my wonderful sister. She's going to be initiated as a Beta Prefect, on Seth's team, tomorrow. I know I haven't talked about her as much lately, but it's truly been such a joy seeing her spread her wings, soar, and shine. She was in my room earlier tonight, and it was pure joy seeing how excited she was. She really couldn't wait. Reese has been working for this for so long, and I know with every ounce of my heart that she deserves it. I can't wait to watch her dream come true tomorrow.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

November 15 2011

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IT MUST HAVE BEEN COLD

THERE

IN MY SHADOW.

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dear journal ,

My sister is dead.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

December 1 2012

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YOU WERE ALWAYS CONTENT

TO LET

ME SHINE.

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dear journal ,

Today is our birthday. We should be celebrating our eighteenth birthday together. I miss her so much. My whole body aches to hear her hearty, jovial laugh, the laugh of someone who doesn't have a care in the world, right after hearing her intense, determined voice as she talks about her goals. It still hasn't fully hit me that she will never come home to me. I expect to see her face around every corner. Every night, I expect that she'll come running down the hall and knock incessantly on my door to make me answer faster because she can't wait to tell me what happened to her that day. I expect to see that mischievous smile that lets the world know she has a crazy idea and that we're all going to go along with it. I miss her. I need her. I don't know who I am without her. She's my other half.

Today, she should be saying "Another year together, Mer-Bear. Here's to us," just like every year. Every second of today, I've expected to hear it. I've waited, I've listened for it, and she isn't going to say it, because we didn't make it to eighteen years together.

Happy birthday, Reese...

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

March 4 2012



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IF I KISS YOU WHERE IT'S
SORE, WILL YOU
FEEL BETTER, BETTER, BETTER?

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dear journal ,

Life is starting to feel a little bit less impossible without Reese. I'm able to wake up in the morning and pull through the day, and sometimes I can manage it with a smile. It has come to feel like I always have her with me, by my side, cheering me on. My guardian angel. I think it means that she wants me to continue the Monroe legacy. I may never be the prefect that Reese was (for a short time), but I have to at least try. Who knows? Maybe some day, I'll make Reese proud of me the way she always made me so proud of her, so proud to call myself her twin. I'll have to start training right away if I want to make this a reality. But how will power augmentation, healing, and empathy ever compare to Reese's amazing earth manipulation?

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

April 12 2012

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IT'S JUST ANOTHER

ORDINARY

MIRACLE TODAY.

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dear journal ,

I made a friend today. Isn't that ground-breaking?

I forced myself to go to the beach, even though I hate crowds. Reese always loved it there. I went with her in mind, and I ended up running into a girl that reminds me a bit of Reese. Bridget has that same fire that Reese had. It's hard to explain. They're both confident, too, and they're both very pretty.

Funny, Bridget and I didn't exactly get off to a great start. Being my awkward self, I approached her without thinking because my empathy power drew me toward her. She was afraid of the water, and I guess my curiosity got the best of me, because the next thing I knew was that I was right in front of Bridget. I needed something to say, so I blurted out the first thought that came to mind. "Why are you afraid of the water?" I'm an idiot.

I'm lucky; she was quite forgiving. We talked for a while. There were some uneasy moments because we started talking about the Battle Front... the group that killed my sister. But we got through it, and I think I can say we're friends. It feels so nice to have a friend.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

June 29, 2012

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ALL HAIL

THE

HEART-BREAKER

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dear journal ,

I see Seth around sometimes. He seems so withdrawn. He was quieter than the other popular kids before, but this is different. I wonder if Reese's death hit him hard, too. I always knew he had feelings for her. It seems strange, now, to think that neither of us has reached out to the other since her death. I guess we were both quite enveloped in our own pain. I want to go and talk to him, ask him how he's doing. I know it's been a long time, but he was always special to me.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

August 16 2012

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YOU THREW THE

SPARK THAT SET

MY HEART ON FIRE.

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dear journal ,

Seth and I had lunch together today. It was the strangest thing. At first, he didn't even remember me; he thought I was Reese. After that, though, we talked, and, well... he's still amazing, charming, caring, intellectual. And guess what? He even remembered my middle name. He made me a jade stone.

I quoted Wilde, and he said that we should try reading it together some time. He's perfect. I, of course, embarrassed myself by choking on salad a second later.

We started talking about the Battle Front. It's so terrifying to think that he has to deal with the threat of being hurt or even killed by those asinine people every day. I even saw one of the gnarly scars that he had from them, so I healed it... it was on his chest, which was revealed because he used the material from his buttons to make the jade.

He was a little caught off guard, but then he gave me a hug. Is it sad that I can't remember the last person before him to hug me?

I don't know if I was imagining it, or if he is warm towards everyone, but today felt like more than just lunch between friends. I shouldn't look into it too much.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

October 16 2012

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YOU ARE MY GATEWAY DRUG

YOU PULL ME DOWN

YOU MESS ME UP

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dear journal ,

It's been a while since I've last written, even though quite a lot has happened. The reason for that is that I've had no idea how to put down on paper what has happened recently at the academy. So many times, I've picked up a pen to make an attempt to describe everything from beginning to end, but I can never start because it sounds so absurd to me. Everything seems to take on epic proportions in this strange place where powers and magic and evil exist, especially without Reese to keep life somewhat grounded by reminding me of when things were more normal, before our gifts developed.

I've always been the shy girl, the forgettable sister of the prodigy. It seems so strange to think that there is now this entire saga surrounding me and a few others, including Seth. At the school, there was a student named Kazuma, also called The Miasma. He was a victim of excessive experimentation because of his gifts. Worse yet, it was all done by his own mother. I can't imagine the horrors through which he must have lived.

Kazuma had the ability of mind control. He forced Seth and Calista to abduct students throughout the school. Seth was the one who took me.

But before that happened, before the day turned into a nightmare, it was a dream. Seth kissed me, and even though I know now that it was mind control, it felt so real. It felt like our feelings for each other were coming out, and our story was coming full circle. We were kissing (which was amazing), and he said that I belonged by his side. I was on Cloud 9. It just felt so perfectly surreal. Almost too perfect, too surreal. I told him I needed to sit.

When my head was clear, my empathy started working again, and I realized something horrible. I was sensing two sets of emotions, of motivations, within him, fighting each other, and it wasn't everyday inner turmoil. It was possession. I tried to run away, but he stopped me. He melted the door shut and changed the windows to crystal.

I was so terrified. I really thought that I was going to die, that he was going to kill me. He had a dagger, and the classroom was falling to pieces around us. But strangely, in the midst of it all, even though I was afraid of the situation, I wasn't afraid of him. He was still my friend... under the influence of a madman. Believing that getting out alive was not an option, my main concern was letting him know that I knew it wasn't him trying to hurt me, that I would never hold it against him. I would have hated for him not to know that, in the aftermath, when I was gone and the mind control no longer had a hold on him.

But I'm still here, and he's okay, and I'm okay. When the spell was broken, there was a fight with Kazuma. Seth was on the rescue team, and... he gave his life to save the school. That moment is still a blur, when Kazuma was coming toward me with a poison sword. I don't particularly remember Seth stepping in front of me. What I do remember was seeing both of them, dead from a massive explosion caused by Seth.

I wasn't screaming. I should have been. Most of the girls were. Inside, I was. I don't remember making a conscious decision not to scream. All I remember is walking toward Seth's lifeless corpse and kneeling down beside him. The rest is more blur, but apparently (and this is a guess from professors; they don't really understand it, either) I found a way to heal his living tissues and then infuse him with part of my life force to restart his heart and brain, giving him another life. They say that's why I've been weaker, finding myself with less energy and constantly getting sick. But I have no regrets about what I did.

Seth and I are good friends now. I guess we can't not be friends, after going through all of that forever. He's been protective of me, which is new and very sweet. And I have to say, I think I would do anything to protect him, too.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0

[Meredith]

October 20 2012

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I GET WEAK IN THE KNEES

FALL HEAD OVER HEELS

AND EVERY OTHER CHEESY CLICHE

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dear journal ,

I can't believe it. I'm a prefect on the Alpha Team.

I can't help but feel like I haven't exactly earned it. Seth put me on his team so that he could keep an eye on me and keep me safe. I wonder if the other prefects will think of me as the joke prefect. I'm certainly no Seth or Christopher.

Seth heard me screaming in my dorm in the middle of the night (My dorm neighbors probably hate me by now, by the way), and he came in to see what was wrong and found me and woke me up. I had been having a nightmare about him, so when I saw him in my bed as I woke up, I backed into the corner away from him. I do that a lot, actually, and I'm so angry at myself for it. I know Seth would never hurt me, but for some reason, whenever I see him, for just a few seconds, I can't seem to override my instinct to run away as quickly as I can.

When I calmed down, I gave him a hug, and everything was okay again. We talked for a bit about his new role as prefect commander, and he said he would feel better if I were by his side. I knew he was asking me to be a prefect, and of course I said yes. Then he asked me to be his date to the Masquerade Ball so that we could "work on us." I asked if there was an us, and he said only if I wanted there to be. I couldn't believe that Seth Rosa was asking me to be his girlfriend. I still can't. I was so happy, I just kissed him. It was a perfect moment.

Then he pinned me on my bed, and I know that should have been incredibly sexy, but instead I just got terrified again. I tried to push him away, but I couldn't, so I threw my head back, which is when I saw what had happened. My guess is that I augmented his powers while kissing him, and because of his density manipulation, the air density around us went haywire. He created stars in my room.

That could have been bad. We're so lucky that Christopher Desely woke up and was willing to come and help us when Seth sent her a text message. She didn't seem to like me very much, though. I know she's friends with Lilith. A lot of people love Lilith. Lilith is amazing. I know it'll be a bit of a shock to the world that Seth and I ended up together, and a lot of people won't be happy about it, but I've wanted this for so long. As Seth's girlfriend, I'll have to work hard if I want any of his friends to approve of me.

A CREATION BY ALL SEEING EYES @ CAUTION 2.0