Sleepless Nights (Ollie)

[Kimberly Jones]

Kimberly tossed and turned in her sleep, snapping awake a few minutes later with a start. She placed a hand to her chest, feeling her rapidly beating heart, her breathing coming in quick, short bursts. Dreams, they were the bane of her existence right now. She looked at her hands, which were shaking quite hard at that point. It was yet another dream about the combat, the combat that lead to the death of her best friend. Why was she constantly being drowned in these dreams of hers? She glanced over at the empty bed, a few of Naomi's old belongings still sitting on her desk, Kimberly not having been able to push herself to remove all of it.

She pushed herself to the side, looking at the bed for a moment before standing up, walking around the room a few times ti try to get herself to stop shaking, crossing her arms in front of her, looking down at the tank top, the scar from the exit wound of the bullet from Pitch Black barely visible on her chest. She looked towards the door, wondering if Oliver was awake. Would she be bugging him if she went to him at this time of the night. She glanced back over at her clock, noting that it was 1AM. She really needed to see him though...would he mind? She tapped her chin, trying to remember if he had ever mentioned that she couldn't visit him in the middle of the night if she needed to. She paced around the room a few times, trying to decide what to do before grabbing her cloak wrapping it around herself, the old native american looking garment falling down past her knees, covering her tank top and shorts. She walked to the door, opening it up before heading out, walking down the hallways silently, counting rooms till she stopped at Oliver's, looking up at the room number.

She hesitated, going to knock on the door but stopping just before touching the door. Was this really a good idea? She looked back down at the ground for a moment, trying to decide what to do before looking back up, steeling herself in case he got angry at her for trying to reach him, and knocked on the door, calling out softly, her words surprisingly shaky as she tried to avoid actually breaking down in the halls. "O-Ollie?" What would people think if an Alpha broke down into tears in the halls? She needed to keep up her image around the other prefects at the very least. She was expected to be one of the strongest among them. Then again, how good did it look for her to be going to a boy's room at one in the morning even if it was a well known fact that they were a couple. She glanced around, looking to see if anyone was in the halls. At least that side of her luck was still good, no one was in the halls, most of the patrols did happen in the regular dorms after all.

She looked back at the door, taking a step back as she waited silently for a response. She didn't want to knock again in fear of waking anyone else, but had Ollie heard her? Would he come to the door or did he think the knock was just a figment of his imagination? She raised her hand and went to knock on the door again but paused, looking at how bad she was shaking. She brought her hand down and just stared at it, trying to get the shaking to stop, the nightmares to stop. The memories to stop. She just stared at her hand, balling it into a fist as she brought it up to her chest, trying to calm herself. She couldn't break down, not in the hallway where everyone could see her do so. She needed to stay calm. She needed to stay calm at least until she could be in Oliver's arms.

[Oliver Grey]

There are a very limited number things that a person should be doing at 4 a.m. in the morning. One of them is sleeping. What a person should definitely not be doing is sitting on the edge of their bed, staring at the stone floor between their feet. Oliver of course was not only doing this, he had been since midnight, when he'd returned from his rounds. Sleep didn't come easily to him these days; in truth it had not come easily to him since the day that had changed his life forever and sent him to Ashford. The truth was that he hadn't truly had time to address what had happened between joining the prefects almost as soon as he'd arrived, the constant fighting lately, and the loss of several close friends added on top of all that. Needless to say, he remained un-recovered from the loss of his family - a loss that he had caused.

He could still see it every time he closed his eyes. He could hear his father yelling, his mother crying and above it all his own arrogant, stuck-up sounding voice arguing back against them. He could smell the gas that he should have noticed. He could feel the electricity blossoming over his skin again, and the heat and force of the resulting explosion. He could see his parents' bodies...lying broken and burnt among the ashes... Oliver clenched his fist and forced the memory back, a tear falling from his eyes to the floor. Fight the memories back. That was all he could do. Fight them back and try to move on...though he didn't know how he could do that when the faces of all the people lost in the recent battle hid behind his eyelids as well, waiting to taunt him for his failure to protect them.

One of the only things that kept him going these days, a bright point in the darkness that was his mind, was the girl who'd changed his life: Kimberly Jones. Formerly the commander of his prefect team, she had somehow managed to help him change himself for the better, hard as it had been for him to believe that was even possible. He loved her for that and in fact, having gotten to know her, he loved her for a lot of reasons. Even now, just the thought of her brought a flickering smile to his lips as he sat on the bed. He looked to the door, closing his eyes and wondering briefly if she would punch him or not for showing up at her dorm this late. He shook his head after a moment. She was probably asleep. Out of everyone, she seemed to be handling everything that had happened the best. She was strong, perhaps one of the strongest people that he had ever met, another one of the things that he admired about her. Lost in his thoughts, Oliver almost jumped out of his skin when the last sound he had expected to hear tonight came from the door: a soft knock.

Oliver raised an eyebrow, tilting his head a bit. Who would be at his dorm this late? Certainly not- "O-Ollie?" The voice on the other side of the door was quiet and meek, even...shaky. But it was most definitely...Kim? Ollie bolted to his feet, walking quickly to his drawer and pulling out a pair of jeans before looking down and realizing that he was still wearing his prefect uniform. "Real smart, genius," He muttered to himself, dropping the jeans on the floor and making his way over to the door, softly turning the handle and pulling it open. What he saw on the other side almost floored him. It was indeed Kim, but...if ever the term "shields down" could be applied to a person, it could be applied to Kim right now. She almost looked as if she was going to cry, her hand balled into a fist at her chest, her body almost physically shaking. The look in Oliver's clear violet eyes shifted immediately from surprise to gentle concern as these things became apparent to him, and without her having to say a word he ushered her inside.

Pushing the door closed softly behind them, he turned around and immediately wrapped his arms around her, embracing her tightly. Clearly something was wrong, he had never seen her look this upset, this...vulnerable before. He pulled back after a moment, meeting her eyes and giving her a little smile, hoping to help cheer her a little. "Kim, what's going on?...Are you alright?" He rubbed her upper arm comfortingly with a hand and waited for her to tell him. He might be dealing with his own problems, but he'd be damned if the woman he loved was going to deal with hers alone.

[Kimberly Jones]

Kimberly looked up when she heard the door open, surprised that he had answered. She was certain that he'd be asleep by now, but her assumption was wrong. She blinked up at him a few times before letting herself be led into the room, hearing the door close behind her dumbly as she felt his arms wrap around her. She leaned into him for a moment before turning herself into him, burring her face in his uniform that she didn't care enough to pay attention to and let it out. She let herself breakdown for the first time in her life, letting all the anguish out seemingly all at once. She had lost so many friends, especially in the last fight. She didn't know how to feel or react around people anymore.

After a few minutes of standing there in his comforting arms she finally was able to calm herself enough to speak, her voice shaking with her body, barely able to speak as she tried to find the words to say. Nonetheless she stammered a few times, non-coherent syllables leaving her mouth as she attempted and failed her first few tries at speaking to him. When she finally spoke she instantly regretted it, hating how it sounded. "Why'd they have to leave us...?" It sounded pathetic. She sounded like she was a kid asking why her pet goldfish had died. Was she allowed to want people back she had grown close to? Was she allowed to now feel horrible for taking the lives of those she had for jobs before she had arrived at the island? She leaned a bit more into him, gently but wanting to feel the reassurance of his presence, almost as if she was expecting him to disappear on him as she spoke.

Was she scared of him disappearing on her? Probably, but could anyone blame her after she had just lost the first and only friend she had before she took over Team B and met Oliver? The girl had been her roommate since she got to the island and had even somehow managed to get Kimberly into a dress, the thing she had sworn she would never wear. Why did losing someone you had grown close to hurt so much more than thinking of those she had killed? Was she just that afraid of losing anyone that she couldn't keep sane when it did happen? Why was she having so much trouble keeping herself composed when she was able to after killing even an infant? She didn't understand it, why did it hurt so much? Looking at the empty bed every night was not something she had wanted to do, ever. Yet, it was something she was being forced to do.

"Why'd they have to leave us... Why does it hurt so much compared to the memories of the lives I've taken with my own two hands... Why do I have to stare at that now empty bed every night, wondering what went wrong... What I could have done to prevent the deaths..." Her hands curled up against him, grabbing onto the fabric that was his uniform before she buried her face into his chest yet again, feeling her body shaking against his out of the pent up stress and emotions coming out all at once. She didn't know what to do now, she had just had a complete breakdown in front of the man she loved, something he hadn't seen her do. Was he going to see her as weak because of it? She had never shown such a weakness before, how would he react to it?

Only time would tell, but she was still worried.

[Oliver Grey]

If he could have slapped himself, he would have right at that moment. He couldn't believe how blind he had been. Sure Kimberly had seemed to deal with this the best, but he should have looked past his own grief and realized just what she had lost. Naomi, the best friend she had ever had, perhaps the first friend she'd made upon reaching this hellish island...was dead. Not to mention their countless allies...Bridget...Of course she wasn't okay! He kept her enclosed safely in his arms, just letting her vent against him and holding her tightly, not wavering as she cried. When she finished, almost seeming to wait for his response, he squeezed her tighter, taking a deep breath before tilting her chin up to him and giving her a soft, reassuring kiss and then speaking.

"Shh...I'm so sorry Kim. I haven't been here for you and I should have been...I should have known you were hurting..." He took her by the hand and led her over to his bed, sitting down with her and gently running his fingers through her hair. "It's because you loved them, Kim. And that's okay...those lives are supposed to mean something to you...it's okay to be sad...to grieve." He closed his eyes and just held her against him, letting his words sink in. In a way, he was glad to see this side of her. Of course he wanted to see Kimberly happy, always, but he'd always felt a little helpless where she was concerned. She rarely shared her feelings, but this gave him a chance to step up and be there for her, something that he desperately wanted to do.

He understood the pain that the loss must have been bringing her, perhaps even the fear she might be feeling...of people you thought would always be there at your side suddenly just not being there. He looked at the deep blue scarf in his top dresser the same every single day. It had been his early birthday present from his mother, the last thing he had ever gotten from his parents before he had caused the explosion that had wiped them from his life. He gulped a bit before speaking again. "I still see them every night too...not just Naomi and the others but...my parents. It hurts...to know that they're gone. I wish to god I could bring them back...or that I'd been strong enough to save everyone in the first place." He took a pause before looking at her, bringing up a hand to rest on her cheek. "I think what we can do is protect the people who are left...the best we can. I think that's...that's what they all would have wanted us to do. No more loss...not if I can stop it. And...Kim?

He took a deep breath. He felt the words bubbling up inside of him, and as afraid as he was to let them pass his lips, he knew in his heart that they were true, and he knew that maybe...just maybe saying them would help them both start to heal. "...I love you. And you won't ever...lose me. Ok?"

[Kimberly Jones]

Kimberly felt herself shaking in his arms, looking down at the ground, her hands pressed against her chest still for a moment before she felt Ollie release his embrace, gently lift up her head and plant a soft kiss on her lips, catching her off guard for a moment. She nodded to his words, not really knowing how else to react. She almost pulled herself back into him when he started to release her, not wanting him to leave before he grabbed her hand, leading the numb girl over to his bed and sitting her down gently. Once he sat down she simply leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of his hands running through her hair as he spoke, just letting the sound of his voice sooth her.

Love, the one thing she had told herself she'd never let herself experience. Why it was even a thing she didn't know, but she hated it. She hated feeling close to someone only to have them snatched away. She hated sharing her feelings at all, it was awkward and made her feel weak and desperate for attention. She knew deep down that she was neither of those, but it still ran across her mind. Showing her emotions was something she hated doing in the first place, but at least it was Oliver, she knew he wouldn't hold it against her. In her days in Mexico and her job as a bounty hunter, any signs of weakness could mean the difference between life and death, the difference between being raped or left alone. It could also lead to blackmail and being forced into situations you would rather avoid.

It was different having someone she trusted enough not to have to worry about any of that. She stayed silent, simply leaning against him, enjoying the peacefulness of him being there. She blinked a few times, glancing up at him once he started speaking again. He saw it all too? She wasn't alone in how she felt as far as her emotions went? She had always thought that Oliver was strong, not really bothered much by the losses but maybe she had been wrong. She was surprised most by the fact he wanted to be stronger, which was a stark contrast to their first meeting. She had to push him to expand his abilities, he was scared of them. The young lightning user couldn't help but note this change, his confidence being greater than she had expected of him in such a short time. Had her own simply rubbed off on him?

That's when he spoke the words and her mind blanked. He loved her? She glanced back down at the floor, taking in the words. He loved her and claimed she would never lose him. Her mind was a swirl of emotions and confusion. How was she supposed to respond to that? Did she love him too? What was her heart supposed to feel for love? She liked that he said he'd never leave her, but what did he mean by that? How deep did their feelings for each other go? She stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide what to say. Her mind was telling her to say 'thank you' but her heart spoke otherwise. Should she let her heart or judgement take affect here? She wavered a little, her mind a swirl of emotions of both sadness and joy at the statement he had just made. He loved her, that was more than she had ever expected from him. She closed her eyes, a solemn smile lacing across her soft features.

"I... I love you too... Ollie..."

[Oliver Grey]

Oliver's breath caught in his chest, his heart fluttering as the words left his mouth. Had he just made a huge mistake, made things worse? Oh you idiot, you freaking idiot. The moment seemed to stretch on forever as she looked down, clearly thinking deeply. He was just about to apologize, assure her that she didn't have to repeat the phrase back to him, when she suddenly responded. Warmth washing over his body in waves as she spoke. She loved him too? How long had she felt this way? He felt his cheeks flush a bit red, the blush quickly spreading, and a smile with it. He found it hard to believe how quickly this had become a happy moment. But then that was Kim. Even when she didn't mean to, she always seemed to be able to give him strength or happiness that he didn't know he had in him in the first place.

He closed his eyes, the smile spreading a little more, and then slowly inched his hand across the sheets, slowly slipping his hand over hers and lacing their fingers together. Oliver hadn't felt lovable in a long time. In the dreams there were always accusatory fingers. Always chants of "your fault" and "murderer." Kinda hard to see the good in yourself when the ghosts of your past wouldn't let you see past the bad. He had often wondered if Kim loved him, or maybe if she was too afraid to tell him or let him see. He had his answer now though, and it was like a 10 ton weight lifted off of his shoulders.

He didn't know what to say or think next, it was like someone had hit pause on his perception of the world. As a result he sat there for a moment or two holding her hand, smiling like an idiot, before he spoke again. "I...you..." For a few moments he still couldn't figure out what to say, but after a moment he said, simply, "So much." He took a deep breath and let it out slow.So much, and...with you...I know we can get through this. I know we can." He squeezed her hand and turned to look at her, smiling gently. Not quite knowing what to do next, but feeling awfully good all the same.