Seek and Ye Shall Find (Carter)

[Camila Reyes]

Anger. Frustration. Bitterness. Cynicism. These negative emotions were cyclic, chronic, suffocating, and led to nothing but loneliness and misery. And yet, like a festering infection, they persisted. She could not help but be angry when someone did something stupid. Her frustration was always apparent when she could not figure out what people wanted of her. Almost every interaction with another person had led to nothing but a bitter taste in her mouth and memories of a life that seemed more like a curse than a blessing. Her family background, what with her controlling and uncaring parents who adored her clearly superior older brother, made her jaded and prevented her from seeing the good in the world. It seemed that all she could see was negativity and things that were “wrong” with the world and how it functioned. It made her shake her head at the defects in high school society and keep away from it as much as possible. Of course, she had to maintain her grades, so she did have to interact with classmates, but that was only on an as-needed basis and, more often than not, she assumed control of the project and worked silently. Indeed, she was a severe introvert with a bitter attitude and negative outlook on life. After all, life had only given her tainted water, so why should she sprout sweet fruit or beautiful flowers?

She pushed the doors of the library open, a loud ‘slam’ echoing in her ear after the door made impact with the wall. Sapphire eyes scanned the nearly-empty library and narrowed at the few people who seemed to glare at her. Her eyes then shifted to the paper in her hand, scanning the black words printed on the white page. A huff of breath slipped from between her parted, pink lips as she moved forward toward the bookshelves. She needed at least two books for the paper she was working on, if not more. After all, the computers in the school were near impossible to use, thanks to the filters that blocked nearly every website but “government approved” ones. Her trip to the media room earlier had taken a long time and was pretty much fruitless, which was made clear by the sour expression across her face. She delicately ran her fingertips over the spines, keeping an eye out for books she could use for the paper. She hummed softly to herself, hearing the words to the song in her head as she perused the shelves. A title caught her eye and she pulled it out, reading the back and nodding a little. Her paper was going to be a research paper about F. Scott Fitzgerald, a great writer from the 1920’s. She figured that reading a few of his novels, which she plucked from beside the biography she had found, would not hurt either. If there was one thing the young woman was good at, it was supplementing her work to make it look longer than it actually was.

After checking the books out, the young woman placed them on a nearby table. She looked at her watch; school was over for the day. She might as well hand around the library to look for books to read in her spare time. Writing a five-page paper was a piece of cake for the young woman, considering her high intelligence level and her uncanny ability to remember things. Rememberance can also be a curse, she thought to herself, shaking her head a little as she meandered over to the drama section of the library. For an introvert, the young woman found herself attracted to theater and drama, which was odd for even her to understand. Nevertheless, she wandered idly into the back of the drama section, smiling a little and tucking a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear. She stood on her toes slightly, plucking a worn copy of Julius Caesar from between a hardcover edition of Romeo and Juliet and a paperback version of Macbeth. She read the back cover with interest and nodded in earnest, standing on her toes once more to squint at the other titles before her. She mulled over the choices she had for a moment before also prying a copy of Much Ado About Nothing out of the jam-packed shelf. She was on her way to check the two books out as well before she stumbled on a stool that someone had been using to retrieve books earlier. A curse left her lips as she caught herself with her hands. She pushed herself up off the floor, pulling her skirt down a little bit and blushing a little. The uniform she had was still too short for her and she hoped that the nearest person was not snickering at her. Of course, she was wearing shorts under her uniform, but there was no guarantee that nothing was seen by any onlookers. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed someone standing in the aisle of books, though she could not tell if the person had seen her epic fall. She coughed into her fist, looking at the stranger.

“Y-you didn’t see that, right?”

[Carter Roth]

Honestly Carter would spend all night in the library if they let her. But noooo, you had to be in your dorms by curfew. Curfew. And and early one at that! Nine o'clock? Really? Did they think the students were ten year olds or something? Now unless she was going out and doing something she's probably be in her dorm anyway or relaxing or something but still. The idea that she had to be in her room by 9:00 sharp and not a minute later unless she wanted to be "escorted" back to her room and probably punished irked her. In fact it irked her so much sometimes that she snuck out just because. She had actually become quite adept at hiding from prefects thanks to her little nighttime excursions. It also helped that a little well placed breeze could keep her scent away from the ones with super schnozes.

Seeing as it was now, Carter was holed up in the library yet again, classes being over and done with for the day and her managing to finish the homework in class. Her light blue hair was pulled up in a haphazard bun, a common sight at the end of a long school day and she already had a couple books in hand. She was actually just going to check out the books she had so far when the girl in the aisle with her landed with a thump after tripping over something. She didn't know her name but she was familiar; Carter had seen her around the West Tower a couple times.

She snorted. "Oh you betcha." She chuckled a little, walking over to her. "You okay, chicky?" She herself tripped over the stools at least once a week. Usually she wasn't that clumsy, but seeing as she got distracted by all the books she ended up tripping a lot when it came to the library.

[Camila Reyes]

The brown-haired young woman could have also spent hours in the library, reading. Hell, she would have read through the night, ignoring the set curfew. Throughout her entire life, books had been her close friends. Other people had judged her, misunderstood her, and disliked her. Of course, she did have some friends, but as soon as she was “discovered”, she became a pariah; an outcast that was unwelcome within the scholastic society that she was forced to be part of. She had spent her remaining days at her old school stewing, doing her homework and projects while other students gossiped about her behind her back. Thankfully, there was not a single person at Ashford that could point the finger at her, because they had powers too. Of course, she could have been made fun of for the way she looked, acted, or talked, but she had become used to insults, even if they did hurt her on the inside. How about it’s that I don’t show emotion when people insult me, she thought bitterly to herself, glancing at the cover of the book on top of the pile she was holding. She wondered to herself if Fitzgerald was either popular or liked in his days. She snorted to herself, Me? Popular? Please…. She shook her head a little, slamming the books down on the table a little harder than she had intended. The sound made her wince, but instead of lingering, she went to search for pleasure reading.

The blue eyed young woman had not noticed the young woman with blue hair standing in the aisle of books. Actually, she might have, but she did not acknowledge the other young woman’s presence. She had been too busy glancing around to find the Shakespeare section of the fiction area. She knew that a high school library had to have at least one of the Bard’s works. She was pleasantly surprised to find more than a few and smiled widely. If there was one thing that the young woman allowed herself to be nerdy about, it was reading. Or maybe it was just the subject of English in general. Yes, despite her assertions that science was her favorite subject, it was probably no surprise for anyone to find out that English was actually her favorite. The chance to read, write, and critique the writing of others was a chance that she could not pass up. Of course, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to take shots at someone, she thought with a soft snicker, not realizing that her foot was near the stool she was about to trip over.

The young woman tucked Much Ado About Nothing under her arm while she tugged at her skirt to pull it down. Her face was tinged a light pink color as she coughed into her fist and nodded a little. She looked slightly irritated, though the look was not meant for the young woman before her. She turned her head slightly to glare at the stool, as if it were a sentient being that stuck its foot out for her to trip over. After narrowing her sapphire eyes at it for a few minutes, she shook her head and looked back to the young woman before her. She could have sworn she had seen her a few times around the school, but she could not remember the young woman’s name to save her own life. She tilted her head a little bit, tapping her foot lightly against the ground before bending down slightly to rub her kneecap. She straightened herself, looking at the girl while she spoke.

“Yeah, I’m fine… And the name’s Camila. You got a name?”

[Carter Roth]

Carter held in a chuckle as the girl glared at the stool. Not because she was making fun of her or anything, it was just that she glared at inanimate objects when they tripped her up -literally- too. And talked to them sometimes but we won't mention that. "Carter, actually. Nice to meet ya. Trip over stools every day?" She arched a teasing eyebrow, a friendly smile on her lips. Hopefully this "Camila" person would recognize that she was just teasing, nothing more. The last thing she needed was someone thinking she was legitimately mean when she was just making a joke.

Her eyes lit up when she caught the first couple words of the book in her arms. "Shakespeare huh?" She grinned, happy to find another person in this godforsaken school who actually enjoyed reading his work. While she loved the playwright, it was not fun to read him in her old school before Ashford. She had to listen to everyone's whining about the language being hard to read and understand. Okay, yes, it might be difficult at first but couldn't they make an effort to learn? And it was always the same, boring story too. Romeo And Juliet. That might just be the one thing of Shakespeare's she actually didn't like. The only way she could get through it was to think of it as a satire. Otherwise, she'd go insane. She couldn't help it, the whole premise of the story got under her nerves. Falling in love in under a week and then killing yourself because you thought your "loved one" was dead? That was just crazy. In her mind, that wasn't love. That was obsession. If she was so in love with a person Carter would want them to find a way to be happy after she died. Not kill themselves. That was kind of selfish, in her eyes, to want them to feel to lost without you that if you died they'd come with you.

"What else do you like to read?" She couldn't help the question, reading was one of her favorite things to do, and she might of just found a person who shared that sentiment. She herself would read just about any and everything. History, science, fiction, nonfiction. As long as it interested her she'd eat it right up. Her favorites though were made up of mostly fiction writers; H.P Lovecraft, Poe, Verne, Michael Crichton. Those kind of books. Crichton was definitely in the top five, his books an awesome mix of science, thriller, in some cases dinosaurs, and just awesomeness. She was was a dinosaur geek, so anything with the prehistoric creatures she gravitated towards. It was kind of sad, but hey. She liked what she liked.

[Camila Reyes]

Camila never allowed it to be a secret that she was an odd person. Glaring at objects and sometimes even yelling at them was not out of character for her. Doing so in front of other people did not bother her very often, but, for some reason, in this situation, she felt awkward for doing say. Thankfully, she had not said anything, cursing or otherwise, to the stool. She raised an eyebrow at the question, though it was meant to be in a joking fashion. She could tell that the young woman was joking, thankfully, so there was no misunderstanding between them. She let out a soft chuckle and nodded a little, though she noted that is was kind of odd for a girl to be named Carter. Not unheard of, sure, but certainly unusual.

“Not every day, but often enough to want them to get lost. Sadly, they’re not people, so they can’t read my facial expression with their non-existent eyes.”

Camila looked down to the books in her arms and looked back up at Carter with a small smile on her face. Finally, someone else that understood her choices! Sure, she had read some of the young adult fiction that the library had within its walls. Sadly, all the books had a tepid plot that was overwhelmed by a boring romance that made the young woman toss the book aside in favor of a schoolbook. She knew that a book was not worth her time if her textbooks were more interesting. Paranormal teen romance aside, Camila had to admit, the library did have a good selection of regular and classic novels that she wanted to read. She had been reading novels for some time since she had arrived, and she had decided to pick up a few dramas to broaden her horizons. And what dramas were better than ones that were written by one of the greatest writers in the English language. Sure, the language of the stories were a little difficult, but it was like learning a second language; once you got a hold of it, it became easier to read and interpret. Of course, she had always rolled her eyes at the people who had complained about having to read an old story so much that the teacher put on the movie instead. This gave Camila the opportunity to read more books, which pleased her. Sometimes, ignorance was much easier for her to work with than intelligence, even if she sometimes became irritated because “people were stupid”.

“Pretty much anything I can get my hands on that’s good. Young adult stuff is meh, though.”

Camila too, would pretty much read anything she could get into. Though fiction was definitely her favorite to read, she did read other things too, like nonfiction, biographies, and even history. As long as she was reading, she was happy. In fact, when she was a child, books were her friend, since she was hard-pressed to find any people her age who wanted to play with her. She supposed she should have seen that as a sign for the future, but that was not the point. Her favorite kind of stories were dystopian ones, where the world was seen as perfect and wonderful in the eyes of the characters, but seemed like nightmares to the reader. Orwell, Huxley, Bradbury, Jackson, Vonnegut; ll of these writers had written at least one dystopian novel or short story that involved a messed-up world. She had also rather enjoyed Lord of the Flies, despite the fact that it was not exactly about an alternate, confused future.

“I really prefer fiction, though. Novels and short stories especially. I mean, I managed to get part of the way through Heart of Darkness, but I got really confused and gave up. I recently finished One That Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and wanted to pick out some other leisure things to read. After I do my F. Scott Fitzgerald project, that is…”

[Carter Roth]

Carter couldn't help but snort at her comment. Finally! Someone who knew a sarcastic sentence when they heard it and quipped back! Despite what you might think, finding people with that sense of humor was easier said than done. Many people got hurt over sarcasm that was meant as a joke even though they responded just as sarcastically. But it appeared today that she had finally found someone just as sarcastic as her. When Camila smiled, albeit small, she couldn't help but to smile back. She grinned even wider when she told her what she liked to read.

"I do the same thing." She could literally pick up just about any book and start reading, providing it was interesting to her. Even textbooks. Seriously, she read her textbooks once because she was bored and it was too late to make a run to the bookstore or anything. "I like fiction a lot to, not to mention it's more fun to write." She grinned. Though at the mention of Heart of Darkness she groaned a little. "I had to read that thing for one of my classes back home and it sucked. So short but so boring." She shook her head, getting the bad memories out of her head. Reading a book she wasn't interested in was probably the most boring thing for to do. Heart of Darkness was only 72 pages but it took her approximately two weeks to finish reading. Why? Because she couldn't focus and kept getting distracted. It took her 20 minutes to finish one sentence once!

"So Fitzgerald, huh? What do ya think of him?" She liked The Great Gatsby well enough, but if she was being honest she had to say she liked the Leonardo DiCaprio movie better than the actual book. The book didn't really have a plot, it just sort of...rambled. On and on and on. Plus the characters seemed sorta flat on paper to her. That being said she didn't completely hate the book, but it definitely wasn't in her second read pile.

"Oh and speaking of short stories, ever read The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins?" Now that was a good short story, even by today's standards. It had just the right amount of 'crazy to begin with' and 'slowing going completely insane' as the story went on. It was only a few pages long, but still! It was even fun to analyze, believe it or not. There were just so many layers, especially for someone who was interested in psychology as Carter was.

[Camila Reyes]

Camila blinked a little, surprised at the snort that had escaped the other young woman’s mouth. She smiled though; finally, someone who understood her! It seemed that almost everyone that she had tried to joke with either ignored her or blew a gasket. Or set themselves on fire, which ever one comes first, she thought sourly, shaking her head to dislodge the thought. That kid was not worth wasting brain cells over, anyway. If he wanted to be difficult, well, that was just fine! She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind, smiling just a little bit. It was nice that someone finally understood her and what she was trying to say. The wide grin stretched across the other young woman’s face puzzled Camila a little bit. After all, she had been very vague in her description, but, in a sense, it was true. She had a tendency to pick up whatever was lying around, though fiction was her favorite. When she had spare time, she even dabbled in writing it, not that she would tell many people about it, though.

“Sometimes, when I’m really bored, I’ll read ahead in my textbooks. Well, except math. Because you can’t really “read” math. And because I hate math…”

She nodded in response to hearing the other young woman say she herself wrote fiction. I think I like this girl. She’s pretty cool, the brown-haired young woman thought, looking up and trying to blow a stray piece of her from her bangs out of her eyes. Before that day, Camila was almost sure that she was going to have only male friends at the school. After all, she had not met many females and honestly, the ones that she passed seemed kind of snobby, and she wanted no parts of that. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she did not really have very many friends at all. Sure, she considered Ash a friend of sorts, but there were not many other people she could describe in such a way. Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am, she thought idly while listening to the other young woman talk about her experience with Heart of Darkness. She giggled softly in spite of herself, a small smile playing on her lips once again as she spoke to the other young woman.

“It nearly took me a week to finish the first few pages. I quit very quickly after that. That’s not as bad as the time I tried to read Tale of Two Cities, though. After one sentence-paragraph thing, I said ‘Maybe later, Dickens’ and put the book back on the shelf. I’m sure his stuff is great but, sheesh, it’s wordy! And, as for Fitzgerald, I like his writing, but I prefer his short stories over his novels.”

Camila had to admit, Nick, the narrator, was quite a rambler, and it had annoyed her immensely the first time she had read The Great Gatsby. However, after reading it a second time when she did not have to read it for class, she found it rather enjoyable, even if the narrator was still a rambler. However, she preferred Nick over Humpbert, who was just a deplorable human being with a creepy fixation. The very thought of it made her shudder in disgust, though she had to begrudgingly admit that it was accurate of her teacher to use Humpburt as an example of an unreliable narrator. Nick could be counted as unreliable too, though, she thought to herself, trying to banish the awful images that were trying to dig themselves up out of the bottom of her brain, where she had stored them. She distracted herself by reaching over and tucking Much Ado About Nothing further under her arm and answering Carter’s question about The Yellow Wallpaper. She grinned when the short story was mentioned; it was one of her favorites to read and analyze. It was a rare breed of story that allowed the reader to glean more and more with every reading. Not to mention the fact that it involved psychology, which was Camila’s second interest, right behind biological science.

“Ooh, you have good taste. I read that in ninth grade. My teacher thought I was a little nuts writing an essay on it, but he said we could write it on any short story we wanted, so… Also, I remember you saying that you wrote fiction? May I ask what kind? I dabble in sci-fi and fantasy myself, but I’m not really that great at it, honestly.”

[Carter Roth]

She couldn't help but laugh when she mentioned reading textbooks. Who knew that from a random encounter in the library, thanks to a stool no less, that she would meet a person she had so much in common with. "Ditto all the way." She snorted. The only times she could actually stand math and even like the demon subject was if it was in science class. She was a science geek, so therefor when it had to do with one of her favorite subjects she could find it, brace yourself, fun. It was a very weird thing, but hey. At least she didn't completely want it to go die in a hole?

"I can relate. It took me twenty minutes one time to finish one sentence! As for Tale of Two Cities...I got as far as," She cleared her throat and started speaking in a dramatic voice. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Before dissolving into chuckling. At least she tried, right? You could never say Carter never gave anything a chance, especially when it came to food and books. She'd try any food at least twice, even if she didn't like it, and she'd always give a book a chance. Usually anyway.

"Same, sci-fi and fantasy are more fun to right because the logic and the laws of physics can go out the window." She grinned mischeviously. "But I also write other stuff, pretty much whatever I feel like. It depends on my mood, to be honest." She shrugged. It was true, though for her the sci-fi and fantasy were more fun to write. You had more wiggle room with those genres, you could make up entire worlds of your very own. Create new species, new societies, make something completely unbelievable sound plausible and create your own mythos. What wasn't there to like?

"And I'm sure you're better than you think." You were your own hardest critic, right? Carter herself was a downright perfectionist sometimes with what she did. If she couldn't get the words to come out just right and put exactly what she was thinking on the page, describe the image she had in her right in so much detail that the same image appeared in the reader's head, she considered it a failure. She'd give herself headaches sometimes because she was thinking too hard or too much about something in her stories.

[Camila Reyes]

It was quite hard-pressed for Camila to find someone else who enjoyed the same things that she did. That was not to say that there were not intelligent people at the school; in fact, there were a lot of smart people at Ashford. Even intelligent people, however, differed in what they liked and what they did not. Of course, it was not hard to find people who disliked math; she was sure she could find a few in the math class she was forced to sit through every single day of the school year. The very thought of it made her want to toss her precalculus book out the window and she had to keep herself from bursting out in laughter. It had been such a long time since she was able to actually laugh and smile, especially with someone her own age. She had always been drawn to people older than herself, since they seemed to judge her less than people her own age. It was nice to finally find someone who was so kind and non-judgemental. She could only hope that there were more people like this young lady on the island. She let out a soft chuckle at Carter’s dramatization of the opening lines of the book.

“Hey, maybe you should do voice-over work or something. You can pull off dramatics well. Or, since that’s probably impossible from his hell-hole, maybe you should try out for the show? You look like a good singer.”

Of course, Camila did not know how people ‘looked’ like a certain quality, unless it was visible emotions. How did one look like ‘a good singer’ based on appearance alone? She was not really sure, but, honestly, she did not care. Anything that could temporarily distract her from the project she had to work on was appreciated, even if she did like Fitzgerald. She glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed softly to herself, rubbing her cheek a little. It was starting to get late, and she wanted to finish at least half of the project before the weekend. That way, she could just do nothing, to compensate for her lack of relaxation. She had been working tirelessly since she arrived, trying to keep up appearances. After all, she was sure the faculty had been told of her past accomplishments, though they would probably never know that she was really just trying to win her parents’ love by getting high grades and doing everything under the sun except sports. The thought made her scowl for a moment, but she decided to not get too bitter over it. After all, she did not really have anyone to impress, right? She smiled a little at the other young woman, her blue eyes reflecting her deep seated emotions, whether she wanted them to be revealed or not. The regret she felt in her heart made her let out a sigh and turn her eyes away for a moment to compose herself before tilting her head a little.

“Very true. Who cares about physics and logic anyway, right? Why not have a world where they don’t exist? Or at least, where you can make up the rules. Personally, that’s a cool kind of world to live in, I think.”

She looked down at the books in her arms, a small blush creeping on her face. How could someone assume such a thing without even seeing her writing? She supposed it might just be a hazardous guess, but she was certainly not used to it. She was used to the opposite, people assuming that her work was bad or stupid because of her brother’s superiority. The thought made her clench her fists; she would show that d*** someday. She would be more famous than he was, whether it was for something good or bad; she would make sure of it. She would also get her revenge one day, but she knew that she had to wait. After all, things seemed relatively peaceful at the moment, and she did not want to be the person to mess it all up. While she had joined the rebellion, she was not stupid enough to cause a physical fight without a particular cause. One day, I’ll get you… she thought bitterly, squeezing the book tighter in her arms. She shook her head a little to banish her thoughts and smiled apologetically at Carter before walking over to the table and gathering the books she had placed aside. She really wished she did not have to go, but she knew that she had to. She only hoped that this young woman would like her just as much next time they ran into each other.

“Listen, I would love to stay and talk more, but I should really work on this project… I have nothing yet and it’s due next week. I’ll see you around. It was nice to meet you, Carter. Take care.”

With that, Camila gathered her books and headed toward the doors of the library, cursing in Spanish as she struggled getting the door open. She nearly ran into a student coming in and apologized gruffly. She walked out of the library, trying to balance all of the books that were piled on top of each other. A small smile adorned her face behind the tower of books, though it quickly faded when several young men passing by asked her if she wanted to help. She, more or less, told them to ‘buzz off’ and managed to make it to her dorm room before flopping down on the bed and opening her laptop. I hope the two of us can be good friends, she thought to herself, setting herself up to work on her project.